I am truly honored to be this month’s spotlight, and truthfully, I grappled with the decision to say yes to sharing my journey. Still, one thing about me is that I am always open to an opportunity to express myself, be vulnerable, speak my truth, inspire, or, as Kerry wrote in his email, “motivate someone else.”
To start, I can tell you that one of the best decisions I have made for my mind and body is joining 212, and my only regret is that I did not do so sooner, but things tend to happen for us when they are supposed to.
I know no other way than to speak from the heart, and hopefully, you all can walk away with something that I have written today or at least be able to relate to. Sure, my body has been through everything, from injuries to illnesses, but much of that came from how I treated it because I did not love myself. I have learned that healing is not linear, it is up and down, and there will always be work to do on ourselves.
Most of us are raised on love, but I was raised on survival. Since 13, I have been on my own, forced to grow up before my time. My mother had severe psychological issues and could not physically or emotionally take care of me. When she did come around, she would put me on weird diets, virtually starving me. She would always comment on my weight, and I can still remember when she would oink at me as if to say I was a pig.
The funny thing is, I was never really that overweight, and for a very long time, I was baffled about everything related to my body. In my head, I was the most disgusting person, and I hated myself and how I looked.
As I matured, it didn’t get any better. It just felt like, throughout my life, someone always had an opinion about my body. From “trying” to fit in at school to the views of partners and how they thought my body should look to the societal pressures women of all ages face to look, act, and be a certain way.
Eventually, it all caught up to me, and I could not take it anymore, the self-deprecation, the hating myself, the inability to look at myself in the mirror—I had to make a change, and it had to start with my mindset.
I no longer wanted to suffer, and I had to learn to love myself and to put myself and my healing first, to shut out all the noise and opinions from others, and do a lot of work on myself. I had to find the beauty within and fall in love with my flaws, embrace my imperfections, and be proud of the woman I had become to be the mother that I always wished I had.
If I can leave you with one piece of advice, it is this, if you genuinely want to heal, then you must learn to forgive—to let go, whether to forgive yourself or someone that has deeply hurt you and does not deserve it.
I promise you, it will set you free.
